Ever noticed how even in silence, it’s not really silent?
I’m not trying to be profound; what I’m talking about is an affliction most of us share, especially women – it’s that incessant voice in our head that at times can seem like a relentless cold hearted and cruel enemy determined to see us miserable. What’s that? I’m being melodramatic? No my dear, that’s the voice in your head talking, it’s worried it’s about to be found out, and it is.
In this post I’m going to explain to you how I fired the voice in my head and recruited my best friend, and how you can do it too.
Over the years you may have heard of this voice labeled as, ‘Ego’ from Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now or maybe the Buddhist term, ‘Monkey Mind’, whatever you call it, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s time to call it out for what it is, it’s a Frenemy, as Wikipedia puts it, “a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.”
For years I thought the banter in my head was something unique to me, you know, cos I’m an only kid and all; and while I didn’t have imaginary friends this voice may has well of been. It wasn’t until much later in life I learnt I wasn’t so unique, in fact I was so bloody run of the mill that every woman and her dog had a version of this chatter invisibly twittering away at them all day; quickly I felt much more ‘normal’ but then my thoughts turned to, “Does everyone’s voice sound the same, how does everyone else handle it?”.
Learning I wasn’t alone was one thing, but learning that those older than me had endured this pesky conversationalist far longer than me and still didn’t have an answer as to how to shorten it’s leash had me puzzled. “Are we all just suppose to put up with it?” I thought. For the first 20 something years of my life the answer was, yes.
It wasn’t until I read something by World renowned self-help author and spiritual leader, Louise Hay that I learnt I actually have full and total control over this ‘ego’ and better yet, I can fire it and do away with it for good! Talk about finding the Golden Ticket!
More and more the damaging effects of the ego’s voice are featuring in conversations with friends, in magazine articles and even in studies of quantum physics with direct links to poor health, negative life experiences and general happiness [or lack of], to name a few. These correlations between our private internal world and our public world are nothing to sneeze at, they’re in fact, the very fabric of what makes us, us, and how much we either learn to love life, hate it, or arguably worse, tolerate it.
You’ve heard that quote, “What you think about, you bring about”, well that’s exactly what your ego voice is doing. For every itty bitty, tincy wincy thought it is uttering [good or bad] it is radiating that out into your physical world as a frequency [yep, just like a radio], it’s tuning in to more of that frequency and as sure as night follows day it’s actively seeking and attracting more of that, ensuring whatever thought that voice puts out, will at some point return to you actualised. Now that’s profound.
Think of that time you woke startled with the kabam-like realisation that your alarm didn’t go off and now you’re late for work, come on, it’s happened to the best of us. I wager a bet that shortly after the mad dash and panic to get ready you either stubbed your toe, cursed at not being able to find your keys or maybe went on to miss a connecting train or bus yeah? At which point you proclaimed, ‘Today’s going to be a shit day.’. Like attracts like, so if your headspace is declaring the expectation of a crappy day ahead, then you can bet your bottom dollar, it sure as heck will be.
The thoughts you think and the words you speak are creating the world around you, and your experience of it. We’ve all met happy people where it seems like for the most part their world’s are peach’s n’ cream? Well it probably is. Sure they’ll still have ‘normal people challenges’ dotted along their journey, but all in all, their positive, upbeat, attitude can’t help but attract more positive, upbeat-ness, so of course they’re almost always happy and well. Go them! So too, your negative nancy-ness is attracting more, well… yep, you’re getting it now.
That voice in your head is so so so so so so so so so so powerful. It’s either working with you, or against you. I could easily take this deeper, but for now you get the idea from the scene I’ve set yeah?
So thinking about the hand your thoughts have in creating your experience of life, how satisfied are you that the voice in your head in working in your favour and not against you? Yep. Thought so.
For most, until you realise you have control over this ego voice, the conversations sounds more like that of a mean enemy than a best friend. Maybe you’ve heard it say things like, “I wouldn’t wear those jeans, everyone can see your cellulite.”, “Don’t say no to her, because she’ll think your mean.”, “You know, you’d look really pretty if you where 20kg lighter.”, “Sure you know a lot of stuff, but you’re a nobody, as if anyone would pay you.” and on and on…
Ladies – it’s time to fire that voice in your head and recruit your new best friend.
Do this, think right now of the person in your life who’s always encouraging and uplifting you? It’s that amazing friend who’s always cheering for you, she’ll be honest when she needs to, but even then she says it with such love that it’s still a nice soft place to fall. When you’re down, she’s your upper, when you’re doubting yourself she’ll remind you how fricken’ awesome you are. THAT PERSON! That’s who I want you to have front of mind right now. Got it? Good.
Imagine if we’re to switch out the old, negative and bitchy voice in your head for your best friend’s voice instead? Or if you don’t have an amazing friend in mind, make up one! You have total permission to craft an invisible best friend with just the right amount of love, support and honesty to travel forth on this life journey.
With this idea of your ‘new best friend’ throwing glitter around in your head like it’s going out of fashion, think now in your mind’s eye what she would remark on the following:
You’ve just caught a glimpse of your reflection in a mirror:
There’s a phone call you’ve been avoiding making, yet you know you need to:
A client has approached you about consulting with you for one of the biggest projects you’ve ever done:
Walking to your favourite cafe you see someone could use your help:
So much more love. So much more support. So much more on YOUR TEAM FINALLY! Maybe even more laughs and lightness, ahhh *bliss*
Now in order to fire and hire these voices successfully, and to ensure it sticks, just follow 2 steps and say these 2 sentences.
In a private space where you won’t be interrupted. A space where you feel alone with just the voice in your head say this either aloud, or silently; it’ll be even better with your eyes closed, imagine you’re standing in front of your current ego voice, now you say:
“Thank you voice for all that you have done for, with and against me over the years. I am grateful for your service to me. I appreciate all that you have done. Your job is now complete, I now release you and I set you free.” Follow with a nice big clearing, inhale annnnnd exhale. Visualise this voice leaving, dissipating into the breath of your exhale or walking away – whatever imagery works for you.
With the air still filled with gratitude, it’s time to welcome and recruit your new voice, your new best friend. With the same approach as before, now imagine you’re standing in front of your new voice and you say:
“Welcome new voice, I am so excited and grateful to see you here! From this moment forth I call upon you to be my best friend in my head, expressing words of support, care, love and respect to help nurture my journey, do you accept? Thank you for your service to me. Welcome.” Follow with a nice big smile as you inhale annnnnd exhale, tap into that newfound sense of safety and security.
Time now to celebrate with your new best friend, treat your body to something delicious and nutritious to acknowledge the occasion, or maybe it’s an impromptu yoga session or meditation – whatever drys the ink on your new friendship.
You’ll notice a difference right away. Every now and then residue of the old ego voice may pop up, if it does speak to it and say this: “I hear you, and I release you.”
And just like that, you’re ready to throw those doors wide open, burst into song and dance your way down the street!
*cue the Kylie music* “There’s a party goin’ on right here, Wah-hoo! It’s a celebration!…” ♫